just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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