I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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