I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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