There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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