yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize