Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize