A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
did i just pee glitter
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
