I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
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work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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