you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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