my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
