I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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