and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
