xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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