Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
