After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
