I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
