Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
