If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
