hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
