so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
