Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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