We won't sleep together?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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