is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He has the fingertips of a God
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