There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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