Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
