But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
