Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
