Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
