dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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