just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
