We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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