he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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