I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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