Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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