If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize