he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
