i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
