Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
