This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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