i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
