Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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