Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
