Sry I called you an 8
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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