how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
