I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
