then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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