No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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