Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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