Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
