I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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