the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
