Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
