i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
