dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
