guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
ttyl tear gas
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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