As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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