How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
