Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think your dad took our porno
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
