i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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