I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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