If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
