I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
