I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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