Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
