i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
