I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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