Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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