I got chris browned last night
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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