I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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