so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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