This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
